Looking In The Mirror

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not liked what you’ve seen?

I’m not talking about looks, or the flaws you think are obscene.

I’m talking about looking in the mirror and staring deep into your eyes- your soul.

Have you ever seen a look of desperation in those eyes?

A glimpse of something that isn’t you?

It’s been implanted there by circumstance.

It’s what the world has done to you.

It’s not who you are but the more you shake the thought the more it consumes you.

Will this become me?

For now it’s only supposed to be temporary.

But what if it has another plan?

What if it starts to take over me?

What if the feeling is hungry?

What if it asks for a bite but it wants all of you?

What if it doesn’t stop until it has devoured every last piece, until there is nothing left?

The world is a selfish place. And if you don’t choose your life someone will choose it for

you, for their own gain.

And in the end you will be left by the sewer drain

While they bask in the glory of your blood, sweat and tears.

You run to the nearest mirror and stare. You look deep.

And you can’t find yourself there.

In the eyes are just two hollowed out expressionless circles on your face.

And you wonder how much time you let pass.

How long you’ve let them drain you.

How much energy you wasted on the dreams of everyone around.

While ignoring the screams, of the voice inside.

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We Were Like Fire

I remember it being fun at first. But the laughter ended as quickly as it came. We were like fire. We were amazing when we got along. Feeding off of each other, the happiness kept escalating. And the fire inside us continued to grow.

You were an extension of me. We had an intense bond that neither of us had ever experienced before. We had only ever been in contact with ice and water, so when we met we couldn’t contain the flames that reached out for the other. We wanted to feel something, anything that felt remotely like love. But we were both mistaken. Nothing that burns you is anything close to the love we craved. But we were so young and naive that no one could have told us that. Because all we saw was each other.

As the heat became too much to bear we started to see the ugliness within ourselves. The fire was uncontrollable and we had no means to put it out. Once we started we couldn’t stop. There was this need we had for the other that we didn’t want anymore.

We started hating each other and the journey we had unknowingly created.

Continue reading “We Were Like Fire”

The New and The Old

The new, clinging to the old like that’s all there is. Us clinging to friendships that we made in high school. Forgetting, forgetting that we were only friends with most of them because we had limited options.

Sometimes I think it’s best to let go of the old because we are new. We are the next generation in line to grow up. We should be filled with hope and dreams but instead we cling to one drunken night after the other with the same people we have been drinking with since we were 16. I think it’s time to let go. To explore.

I’m not saying abandon all your friends but you’re tired of the scenery anyway. And let’s be honest, many of them bore you to death now, why don’t they interest you anymore like they did in high school? Well maybe you aren’t the same person anymore. And together you aren’t the same gangly, awkward group with the constant laughs that you could hear down the hallway. Now the laughs are more forced then ever and you are tired of pretending.

Now it’s like they don’t get you, and you don’t feel the need to explain it to them. So maybe you have made up your mind already. You. You’re looking for something amazing that you can’t find here. So go. Your talents aren’t being recognized. And your needs are no longer being met. You don’t even remember what satisfaction feels like anymore.

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So as you start to pull away they start to look at you with an expression on their faces that you only assume is confusion. And you are trying to do it gently because the last thing you want to do is hurt them. They stuck by you through everything. A lot of the hardest times for you were in high school and they never left your side. They were there for every birthday party and for every good and bad memory that came with them. They were there when you had your first sip of alcohol. They were there when you got so drunk you fell down the stairs in front of everyone at the party. They held your hand when you had your first heart break and the first time you realized that life isn’t going to be fair for anyone.

What they don’t realize is that what’s best for them may not be what’s best for you and even though it’s hard, letting go is the best option for you. Change is the only way you are going to reach your full potential. So runaway and be great.

Your Mind is My Playground

Your mind is my playground. I slide down your thoughts. Some steeper than others. I teeter totter on your emotions, while they go up and down. I play tag with your opinions. Not always agreeing but when I get caught I understand. I run freely through the jungle gym in your mind. And I have for awhile now. I know you like I know the seasons. And each time I climb I get a little higher. As I gain your trust I become more familiar with the world inside your head that is you.

Your mind is like my playground. Filled with excitement and surprises I would never expect. It keeps me on edge. Like going through a haunted house. The thrill you seek when things jump out at you – the laughter and the screams. Inside your mind are the words of the ghosts of the people that have hurt you and the people that have helped you. It’s heart melting and heart breaking at the same time, being inside your mind. The words of the people that have hurt you I want to silence. I want to rid you of the pain they have caused. Or at least make them quieter like a whisper so that you can barely hear them so you forget about the pain they have caused. I want to turn up the volume on everything that has made you happy. Every compliment, every accomplishment, every time you laughed and every time you felt like this whole life thing is going to workout all right. If I could I would make your life one happy ending that never ended.

Your mind is my playground. When I’m tired of running, climbing, swinging. I go to your happy place and rest there. It is underneath a giant willow tree with birds chirping and a light breeze brushing against your smiling face. Continue reading “Your Mind is My Playground”