The Boy That Jumped.

This is about the boy that jumped. With rocks in his backpack, getting ready for the fall, hoping to never come back. You succeeded. I wish you hadn’t. I wish you didn’t take the phrase “don’t think, just do” so literally. For your sake I hope you aren’t in pain anymore. At 16 you had clearly been through enough.

I’m going to apologize on behalf of everyone that made you take that extra step closer to that edge. I’m sorry on behalf of all the people that stood by and watched as your depression took over your mind and the suicidal thoughts never took the time to give you a break.

Maybe if they had stopped for more than a second you would have realized that this world is more than what greets your eyes. I’m here to say that even though I never met you, you were important. And it all would have turned out more than okay. You had so much to offer.

I know there is more than one person to blame. How about the nurses and doctors who turned you away. They didn’t help you when you asked to be put in a room to stay until the thoughts pass. They didn’t try to help you when you said that you hadn’t felt the light inside you for months and you don’t even know where the switch to turn them on is anymore. Or when you said that the end is all you can see now. The end seems like the only way you can be free now.

You were never alone in this fight for happiness. I understand what it’s like to feel like you don’t have any. You weren’t the only one searching for acceptance. Somedays it all seems pointless. Like all the mundane tasks are worthless and that’s how people make you feel. Worthless. But as you get older you realize it was all worth it because life always gets better. I hate that you didn’t live long enough to see that.

Your worth doesn’t ever decrease. You were equally as valuable as the day you were born. No matter whatever you did or whatever anyone ever said to you you were still priceless and loved.

You know that you died right near my house? I wish that you had stopped by first. Maybe we could have talked and maybe you would have understood that complete strangers care about you. Every life is important and you were never excluded from that.

The police surrounded your body. You didn’t give yourself a chance, you landed on concrete. I guess that was the objective right? I wish I could have silenced all the people that hurt you. And all I have the chance to say now is rest in peace.

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14 thoughts on “The Boy That Jumped.

  1. A very similar situation just happened to someone close to me and I ironically also wrote a post about it yesterday. I hope your friend finally finds peace. My deepest condolences to you as well.

    1. I’m sorry about what happened to your friend. I think it’s good to talk about it if not to raise awareness but to also keep their memory alive. I send all the love to you and the friends and family that have experienced this loss. Thank you for your comment!

  2. ‘You know that you died right near my house? I wish that you had stopped by first. Maybe we could have talked and maybe you would have understood that complete strangers care about you. Every life is important and you were never excluded from that.’

    This paragraph is so heartfelt and haunting. I’m sorry this has affected you so and hope writing about it has helped. There is so much tragedy in the world and sometimes it seems impossible to change, but showing you care is the first step to changing it. Lovely post on a horrific topic.

    1. You know a lot of people seem to be taking their own lives. I feel like the number is increasing. Maybe I was naive and just not exposed to it as much and it’s always been this way. I feel kind of hopeless because all I can do is write about it. It does make me feel better though! Thank you for commenting and supporting my blog!

  3. I too didn’t realise the statistics on suicide until my 17yr old son took his own life 5 days before this Christmas just gone. It breaks my heart that people feel they have no other choice. The fact that you were moved by a strangers death gives me hope my own son will be remembered by someone.

  4. ‘Your worth doesn’t ever decrease. You were equally as valuable as the day you were born. No matter whatever you did or whatever anyone ever said to you you were still priceless and loved.’

    This part stuck out to me the most, because it’s often forgotten. We are constantly judging ourselves and others when we should be bringing each other up. It’s important to remind each other of our worth and to find it within ourselves, too.

    Thank you for writing this, you are very talented!

  5. This is so moving! I found this from the Community Pool on The Daily Post and am so happy I decided to stop by. Your writing is fantastic, and the line “Your worth doesn’t ever decrease. You were equally as valuable as the day you were born. No matter whatever you did or whatever anyone ever said to you you were still priceless and loved.” is absolutely perfect. I now see that others have picked up on how amazing that line is in the comments. I feel that even people who don’t suffer from depression have moments like this and could connect with it. Thank you for sharing this, getting awareness for suicide and depression is so important, and this is just beautiful (in such a sad way)

    I suffer from OCD, Tourette Syndrome, Depression and Anxiety so I decided to start a blog about my experiences in the past and the struggle I am having currently. I’d love for you to check it out.

    Again, beautiful job!

  6. Hi Bianca, I finally made it over to your blog — Thanks for sharing the link! Your writing is great and full of so much sensitivity. And this post was so touching. I especially liked these lines: “Your worth doesn’t ever decrease. You were equally as valuable as the day you were born.”
    I look forward to reading more of your work.

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