She Sits Alone.

She is five
She sits alone
Under the tree
Wishing for a friend
Waiting patiently

She is 15
She sits alone
Under the bleachers
Wishing for a boy
Waiting patiently

She is 25
She sits alone
In the cafe
Wishing for a man
Waiting patiently

She is 35
She sits alone
On the porch
Wishing for a ring
Waiting patiently

She is 55
She sits alone
In her apartment
Wishing for a friend
Waiting patiently

She is 75
She sits alone
In her rocking chair
Wishing for a smile
Waiting patiently

She is 85
She lays alone
In her bed
Wishing she had someone
to hold her hand
Waiting patiently for the end.


Picture: http://www.wrinklypedia.com/articles/meditation/

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Why We Never Take Our Shoes Off.

I didn’t know whether to rip your clothes off or run the other way. I thought it would be easier if I didn’t stay. However the passion for you still burns as bright as the day we met under the light of the falling summer sun.

I keep my distance now because I see the lust in your eyes glaring at me, almost daring me to run over and kiss you. I know that you know I never say no to a dare so one of these days I might forget where I am, or all of a sudden not care who is watching and plant a big one where I know you want it, right on your full lips. The lips I’ve been dreaming of for months.

But it’s not that easy for us. We have a like/hate relationship. Like I can’t stop thinking about you so come here but when you get here I might have an urge to punch you in the face. I won’t though because the feelings after are pure ecstasy. Just the thoughts of you next to me.

Is it weird that sometimes when you speak it sounds like nails on a chalkboard to my ears? We are complete opposites. You, the I can’t stop talking because I need the silence to be filled at all times, extrovert. And me, the I don’t feel safe to speak sometimes so I don’t, introvert.

It’s like we are always in fight or flight mode. The tension rises until neither one of us wants to decode why the other is screaming or why we never take off our shoes and we always need to be close to the door.

I’ve never told you that every time you scream at me all I want to do is hold you in my arms and drown out the noise because I know you need it. A loving hand to wrap around and push all your broken pieces together. To turn your hard exterior into soft.

I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to be the one to have the last laugh because the final thing you are going to see is my back as I run away from you with no intentions of returning. I’m leaving and you don’t even know yet. I’m positive it’s for the best. Just so you know you will stand out from the rest.

I care so much about you and I don’t even really know you. We’ve been through so many emotions but we wouldn’t be able to say each others middle names if asked. So I will leave silently just as I came. If you were leaving the whole world would know. I prefer the mystery though. I like the fact that it will be so quick that I won’t hear you screaming “please, come back.”

I’m sorry it has to be in the dead of night but I chose flight over fight. So I will keep my shoes on and when you wake up I will be gone.


It’s My Fault You Have Bad Dreams.

It’s my fault you have bad dreams. I ruined your naivety. I pulled out your innocence to try to save my own. You know, it’s really hard to be so corrupted. I didn’t do this to myself though. Someone came along and blackened my view of everything too. I’m sorry that I stumbled upon you.

I didn’t mean to damage everything in my path. That’s just what I’ve grown up on. This is what I’ve been told to do. I was recruited into the darkness without ever being taught how to get out. They expressed that I was important. That my mission was special. My confidence was stolen. I’m just trying to get it back by making you feel hollow like me.

I took everything from you. I took your happiness and now you are left with an empty soul. I wish I could say that I’m full but I want more. So I will take from another and another. But what you see isn’t everything because someone keeps taking from me.

Please don’t leave. I need you. We both make each other feel dead inside but then again nothing makes us feel alive so just stay. Maybe keep me warm for a night. Help me get rid of my ghosts for a night and help me dream of what life was like before. When my innocence was contained by the people around me. I used to be forced to cover my ears but now I can hear everything. And now you can too.

Welcome, here is your number, forget about your name. Don’t forget to open your eyes and take your hands away from your ears. This is what life is really like. And remember to leave your soul and smile at the door.


Picture: http://baravavrova.deviantart.com/art/lost-in-the-darkness-399172644

Love Is On Its Way

Love is on its way when you have figured out how to love yourself properly. When you realize that being single is better than being in an abusive relationship. When you realize that following your passions is better than money. When you understand that happiness is inside you waiting to come out and it is not in the company of another person.

Love is on its way when you have goals and aspirations and you are working towards achieving them. When you fully respect your body and do everything you can to take care of it. When you clear your life of toxicity including people who bring you down.

Love is on its way when you learn to stand on your own two feet. When you can defend yourself without needing anyone else to stand by you. When you realize that you only deserve the very best and settling is no longer an option until the best becomes reality.

Love is on its way when you know how much you are worth. When you realize you are more than a pretty face. When you know that you deserve someone who treats you how the sun treats the earth. When someone shines brighter for you and sends arms of warmth your way. Making sure to always show up when you need them.

Love is on its way when your heart is no longer heavy from all the people who hurt you. When you can confidently open up to everyone about who you are and not be afraid of rejection. Love is on its way when you fully understand what love is. Towards yourself and others.


Picture: http://www.personalityhacker.com/personality-type-ask-love/

We’ve Never Interlaced Our Fingers

It’s been a year since I’ve seen you last. Is it weird that your face still lingers? I’ve never kissed you, and we’ve never interlaced our fingers but I wanted to. Because I loved you, and maybe I still do. Do you remember how much my face would brighten when you cast your shadow by my side? And you would always smile and role your eyes when I said a funny joke or line.

You don’t know this but I made it my mission to make sure there was an expression of permanent happiness across your face. You thought I was like that all the time but you’re the only one that made me light up inside. You never said it, maybe you were embarrassed and maybe I didn’t come in the package you wanted.

I’m sorry that you saw everything. I’m sorry that I didn’t hold back like you did. But when I met you I fell down the darkest well and was swimming for months. I didn’t think you would leave me there to drown but before you walked away you even held my head down under the water just to prove your point.

Did I not understand the signs? Was I not good enough so you left me behind? I know you miss me. I was the only one that made you smile that much, that made you laugh that much, that made you feel that much. And now I will never be able to trust you. You thought you were protecting me from the darkness inside you. I’m a tough person, I never needed a bodyguard. I never wanted someone to be in my life to feel like they had to protect me.

And as the days spent with you grew shorter my light became a dull sparkle. I chose to shut you out of my mind. I didn’t want to be vulnerable with someone who was scared of showing me their dark side. Because when I love I want to see everything. I want to know the skeletons and demons that scream from your soul at night.

I’m still going to love you but I will do it silently from afar. And no, there is no going back after you left that nasty scar. I understand why. I do forgive you but I will never forget how you just left me out to dry. If I had known that it was going to be the last time, I would have at least kissed you goodbye.


Picture: Heartbreak In A Sunset by Kerry Langel

http://fineartamerica.com/featured/heartbreak-in-a-sunset-kerry-kralovic.html

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The Boy That Jumped.

This is about the boy that jumped. With rocks in his backpack, getting ready for the fall, hoping to never come back. You succeeded. I wish you hadn’t. I wish you didn’t take the phrase “don’t think, just do” so literally. For your sake I hope you aren’t in pain anymore. At 16 you had clearly been through enough.

I’m going to apologize on behalf of everyone that made you take that extra step closer to that edge. I’m sorry on behalf of all the people that stood by and watched as your depression took over your mind and the suicidal thoughts never took the time to give you a break.

Maybe if they had stopped for more than a second you would have realized that this world is more than what greets your eyes. I’m here to say that even though I never met you, you were important. And it all would have turned out more than okay. You had so much to offer.

I know there is more than one person to blame. How about the nurses and doctors who turned you away. They didn’t help you when you asked to be put in a room to stay until the thoughts pass. They didn’t try to help you when you said that you hadn’t felt the light inside you for months and you don’t even know where the switch to turn them on is anymore. Or when you said that the end is all you can see now. The end seems like the only way you can be free now.

You were never alone in this fight for happiness. I understand what it’s like to feel like you don’t have any. You weren’t the only one searching for acceptance. Somedays it all seems pointless. Like all the mundane tasks are worthless and that’s how people make you feel. Worthless. But as you get older you realize it was all worth it because life always gets better. I hate that you didn’t live long enough to see that.

Your worth doesn’t ever decrease. You were equally as valuable as the day you were born. No matter whatever you did or whatever anyone ever said to you you were still priceless and loved.

You know that you died right near my house? I wish that you had stopped by first. Maybe we could have talked and maybe you would have understood that complete strangers care about you. Every life is important and you were never excluded from that.

The police surrounded your body. You didn’t give yourself a chance, you landed on concrete. I guess that was the objective right? I wish I could have silenced all the people that hurt you. And all I have the chance to say now is rest in peace.

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My Body Is Mine

My body is mine.
You don't get to touch me.
There is no conquering needed.
You don't get to take over.
You're never drunk enough to justify 
grabbing me and having your way with me.
Because it's mine.
My body is mine.
Just because I'm the physically weaker 
one you can't use me.
I'm a human being, not an object.
And you are not an animal.
So you should be able to control yourself.
Because it's mine.
My body is mine.
Yes, I wore a short dress but 
if I don't say yes 
you don't get to use my 
clothing as an excuse to rape me.
To touch me, to ignore my plea's when I yell
"stop" and "no I don't want to."
Because it's mine.
My body is mine.
It's not about the clothes anyway.
I've been told it's about the power.
I'm sorry you have to hurt 
someone to feel powerful.
I'm sorry that when you look 
inside there is darkness.
But, my body is mine.
My body is mine.
I'm tired of people taking advantage of others. 
Yes, I know it happens to men too.
I'm tired of being scared walking 
down the street at night.
I'm tired of wondering if I will 
get harassed today, touched today, 
used today, abused today.
My body is mine.
My body is mine, not yours.
So be respectful, because that's all we want.
When we say no it means no.
It doesn't mean we are teasing you.
So hands off the merchandise.
Because my body is mine.

Meet Me In Toronto.

I’m here, and where are you? I can’t remember the last time I gave out hope for you to be. Did you forget? You know we were supposed to be the next great love story. But it’s alright. I mean maybe you’re just running late or I’m not in the right place.

How does Toronto sound? Is that better for you? Will this move make it more successful for you to come out and find me? Because all I’m trying to do is be happy. I know it doesn’t help that I’m kissing all these frogs but you’re not here and I’m lonely. So please just go to Toronto.That’s where I’ll be, I’ll be sitting in cafes with one eye in a book and the other on the street hoping to see your face.

I won’t give up. Even though I’m fed up with relatives and friends asking if I’ve met anyone yet as sadness creeps into their eyes I have to say no for the one millionth time.”No? Not Yet? Not even a Valentine?” As they see my clock ticking: “You know you won’t be young forever.” Oh believe me I know but stop commenting that I’m being too picky and how it’s just about finding a nice boy. If life was about finding a nice boy I would’ve been done by now. But I’m not looking to be content, I’m not looking to settle, I’m looking for you. So meet me in Toronto.

Trapped In Love

I don’t think you realized how long forever is. Do you regret it? Do you regret letting those words ever touch your lips? Because I do. Not because I didn’t mean it. I would have pulled out my whole heart to give to you so you would know how much of my heart you have.

I regret saying forever because now I’m trapped in the confines of your brain. I realized you never truly loved me like your words portrayed. I was only cared for in the mind. As something that sounded like a good idea at the time. You relentlessly kept me there as if out of resentment towards me for loving you so completely.

The shame takes over my body now. Knowing that you will never love me but I will foolishly follow you to the ends of the earth. Let me out. Unlock the door so I can be free. You’ve tricked me and now I’m onto you but I need a release. Get the key. Your brain is an emotionless place where I feel like I’ve been buried alive and you keep piling the dirt on. Tears stream down my face as I yell “Stop! This is enough. Forever is over. I’m the only one who can decide my life.”

But you couldn’t hear me drowning in the mountain of dirt you buried me in. So I’m still trapped, begging for freedom. Searching for another way out of your heartless mind. Maybe it was me who didn’t know how long forever was. Because now I am suffocating in forever with you.